The Advice from A Father That Helped Me when I became a First-Time Father

"I think I was merely trying to survive for twelve months."

Ex- Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the challenges of fatherhood.

However the reality quickly became "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health issues around the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her chief support in addition to looking after their infant son Leo.

"I handled every night time, each diaper… each outing. The duty of both parents," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he burnt out. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a park bench, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The simple words "You aren't in a good spot. You need assistance. How can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His situation is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. While people is now better used to talking about the strain on moms and about postpartum depression, less is said about the difficulties dads go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan believes his challenges are part of a larger failure to talk between men, who still internalise negative perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and remains standing with each wave."

"It is not a show of failure to ask for help. I failed to do that quick enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men often don't want to admit they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not justified to be asking for help" - most notably ahead of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental well-being is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the opportunity to ask for a break - spending a couple of days overseas, away from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He understood he required a change to focus on his and his partner's feelings in addition to the logistical chores of looking after a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -physical connection and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has transformed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to better grasp the expression of feelings and understand his parenting choices.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen did not have consistent male guidance. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, profound trauma meant his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up emotions led him to make "terrible actions" when he was younger to alter how he was feeling, turning in substance use as an escape from the hurt.

"You find your way to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They might briefly alter how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Advice for Managing as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you feel swamped, confide in a friend, your partner or a counsellor how you're feeling. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the things that helped you to feel like you before having a baby. This might be exercising, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - a good diet, staying active and when you can, resting, all contribute in how your mental state is faring.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - listening to their journeys, the challenges, along with the joys, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that asking for help isn't failing - prioritising your own well-being is the best way you can look after your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the loss, having not spoken to him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead give the safety and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the feelings safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they acknowledged their struggles, transformed how they express themselves, and learned to manage themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I said, at times I believe my job is to guide and direct you on life, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I'm learning an equal amount as you are in this journey."